3.29.2007

Behind The Scenes

Captive sailor reportedly writes letter calling for Iraq withdrawal

The letter came on the day the UN Security Council accepted a watered-down statement expressing "grave concern" at Iran's capture of Turney and 14 other sailors and marines in the northern Persian Gulf.

The statement also called for an early resolution of the problem, including their release.

Britain failed to win support for a stronger-worded statement that would "deplore" their capture and detention and demand their immediate release.



British: "We strongly feel that we must deplore this action!"

French: "Bon, I sink we muhst ulways deplore sotch acshawns of ze Arabes, quoi?"

Russians: "Hmm. Maybe it better to just say 'tut tut'. Da?"

British: "Tut tut?"

Americans: "Aw hells no! Howzabout we jes say 'we's gonna gitcha'. We's gonna gitcha! That's got zing!"

Chinese: "I say, couldn't we simply express 'grave concern'?"

French: "Did someone say grève?"

British: "The chinaman is utterly incorrect despite his incongruous grasp of the English language."

Chinese: "What can I say? I adore the BBC. If we ever get a free press, we'll be sure to imitate it."

French: "Bon, who eated ze last donut, quoi?"

British: "How about 'condemn'?"

Russian: "Too harsh. Da?"

British: "'denounce'?"

Chinese: "'mildly disapprove'"

British: "'reprove'?"

American: "Who gots a dollar? I need to run and git me some Doritos from the vending machine outside. Oh, afore I go: 'grave concern'" [leaves]

French: "Oh? Anozzehr grève? Bon, eet's about time, quoi?"

Russian: "'a hint of concern' Da?"

British: "I could settle for 'grave concern'".

Chinese: "That is fair. Very good. So let it be written. Next item on the agenda?"

French: "Ze global warming effect: true or faux?"

Chinese and British: [at the same time] Faux shizzle!

[laughter all around]

3.11.2007

Beat Boxes

I'm flat-out beat. Having two kids is a lot of work and while it was initially more than twice the work it doesn't feel that way anymore (though that just might be me getting numb to the situation). What has me knocked out is that we've been going nuts on the house while I've been home on three weeks paternity leave. A group of old high school friends came over today (nearly all of the people from high school I keep in touch with; I can't believe all of these kids of ours since we were just kids when we met). We raced furiously to get the house in as good shape as we could. That's the best side-effect of holding a party. After a superficial tidy, the house is in much better shape after the fact.

We totally emptied every box that belonged on the main and second floors, put up nearly all of the shelves we planned, bought and installed missing furniture, rugs, and decorations. The house, for the first time, is mostly absent from a giant pile of boxes in each room. We've been here for 3 months and the place is only now beginning to take shape.

It's kind of frightening to think about the basement where we piled a lot of the stuff we weren't sure what to do with and with enough painting equipment to start a store. And then there's the outside of the house come spring...

2007 is going to be the year of the house, never mind the two kiddies.

3.08.2007

I Do Love Movies

A meme, from Paul.

1. Name a movie that you have seen more than 10 times.

10 times? Hmm, if there is one, it would probably be Star Wars: A New Hope but I don't think I've seen it ten times.

2. Name a movie that you've seen multiple times in the theater.

I saw Phantom Menace three times on opening day. If I had dressed up, at least I could have hit rock bottom.

3. Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a movie.

Right now, Will Ferrell. I think we find the same things funny. But he'd have to have a writing credit to get me in the theatre.

4. Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a movie.

I never go out of my way to see an Adam Sandler movie. I don't think I've ever sat through one in its entirety when I've happened across one. And I sat through Deuce Bigalow II.

5. Name a movie that you can and do quote from.

Clerks. Very quotable.

6. Name a movie musical that you know all of the lyrics to all of the songs.

Nope. Sorry. Maybe Wizard of Oz. I can muddle through most of those songs. Or even more likely, The Sound of Music. My mom had the record. If under duress to recite lyrics, I guess I'll go with Sound O'Music.

7. Name a movie that you have been known to sing along with.

I ma not known to sing along to things. Except Mario Party. "Party star, oh, party, party staaaar!"

8. Name a movie that you would recommend everyone see.

That's pretty subjective. Something that might appeal to everyone, everywhere? Lord of the Rings trilogy seems like a good answer. A recommendation that people might not have seen? Leon: The Professional (European Cut). The european cut makes an awesomy movie even awesomier.

9. Name a movie that you own.

Ha, I'll say Chicago because that's the one movie I own that people might mistake for my wife's.

10. Name an actor that launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops.

How about George Clooney. He's still around? That's a lot of charm.

11. Have you ever seen a movie in a drive-in? If so, what?

Nope. Have wanted to though.

12. Ever made out in a movie?

Nope. When I go to a movie, I like to watch it. I can make out any darn place.

13. Name a movie that you keep meaning to see but just haven’t yet gotten around to it.

Punch-Drunk Love. If that ever crosses my path, I'll sit through the whole thing. I really dig P.T. Anderson.

14. Ever walked out of a movie?

Nyet.

15. Name a movie that made you cry in the theater.

Big Fish made me cry on an airplane. Other than that, no.

16. Popcorn?

Yeah. Sometimes nachos with the orange petroleum refining leftovers.

17. How often do you go to the movies (as opposed to renting them or watching them at home)?

I wish it was more often. But The Movie Network HD will have to suffice until I can ignore my children for 2 hours+ at a time.

18. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?

Like Paul, Casino Royale. I took my mom to see it.

19. What’s your favorite/preferred genre of movie?

Comedy. It's hard to do good comedy.

20. What’s the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?

I remember seeing Sleeping Beauty when I was about 3. When the witch turns into a black dragon at the end, I vividly recall jumping out of my seat and trying to hide in the row of chairs.

21. What movie do you wish you had never seen?

Joe vs the Volcano.

22. What is the weirdest movie you enjoyed?

Weirdest? Adaptation is crazy weird and I liked it. (Malkovitch and Eternal Sunshine are better movies but Adaptation is weirder.)

23. What is the scariest movie you've seen?

The Ring. Or Sleeping Beauty.

24. What is the funniest movie you've seen?

Ever? I'll go with Anchorman. You either hate or love the Will and I loves it. I wish I had written it.

3.04.2007

(Untitled)

I am a column of water three thousand meters tall
I am the sweet spot of a baseball bat
I am an insensitive break-up
I am a slab of steel and hydraulics
I am the index and thumb
I am an unexpected death

A thorough and pitiless
Crushing