11.19.2003

An update from the exciting world of "If I don't have cancer, what the hell is it?"

I went to the hospital for an ultrasound. You have to fast for six hours prior and then one hour prior, you have to drink a litre of water. I waited for my ultrasound for 90 minutes. Lemme tell ya, the bladder starts to get full after you drink a litre of water and then sit still. I really had to go but the ultrasound doesn't work unless you have a big, bloated sac of fluid in you. After 75 minutes of waiting (and recall that I had drunk the water an hour before arriving), I had to go so bad that I could have etched my name on the moon. I asked the nurse what I should do. I was told to go but not to empty.

I beg your pardon? Have you ever tried to start and then stop before you were done? It requires a lot more concentration than I thought I could muster. It's so unnatural that just thinking about it makes me want to go use the facilities. Anyways, I managed to relieve my stress to the point that I was worried that I was depleted.

I finally went in for the ultrasound and got the goo squirted on my belly (Might I add, I have now been on the receiving end of that sensation, though without the staccato) and the nurse started bouncing audio pulses off my innards. Once she reached my groinal regions, she remarked that my bladder was still full. I didn't think it was full until she moved a bit lower and pressed. Ay. Now I had to go again.

The nurse fetched the doctor quickly (she knew I was about to do my Hull-of-the-Titanic impression) and they went over my lower torso with the gusto of a needle merchant looking through a very special haystack. The doc pronounced me clean and clear so I cleaned up, changed out of the fancy hospital garment and headed straight for the bathroom where I nearly dented a ceramic toilet.

I also had bloodwork done. They drew four vials of blood for various viral tests. I won't find out about those for a while. So I was in and out of the hospital in about 2.5 hours and I now resume what remains of my daily routine.