9.22.2003

Why don't they teach CPR in high school? Perhaps once when you're 14 and again when you're 16. After a while, you'd have a population full of people who could save lives. Even if you don't remember it exactly, some of it should come back to you.

There's bound to be someone who was paying attention around you when you're having a stroke...

9.15.2003

A little fact about myself I discovered on the weekend:
I will subconsciously leave a door in the same state I found it, either opened or closed.

9.11.2003

I'm a married man, have been for five years. Dated my wife for five years before that. Occasionally, the thought pops into my head, sex with another woman would be nice. Perhaps I don't consider it quite so casually. Would I like a donut? Would I like to watch TV? Would I like to cheat on my wife?

It is tough to keep the passion aflame when you both come home tired, stressed and just wanting to forget the slog you've been through. And this is without kids and in jobs we both claim to enjoy (or at least find satisfying). It just doesn't and cannot compare to the intensity of a new relationship. So my reptilian brain asks for more woman flesh and I always have to quash it. It's actually not very hard.

1) Getting some other girl pregnant would be terrible.
2) Catching a disease would be worse.
3) Giving that disease to my wife horrifies me.

Sure, you could work it to minimize those risks. T'ain't hard. But it's also true that the only way to be 100% sure is abstinence. There is more to it than the simple high school sex ed routine though. Even if you presented me with a woman who had no uterus and doctor's papers saying she was cleaner than the vacuum of space, I still wouldn't touch her with my ten-foot pole.

I made a promise on my wedding day and I intend to keep it. I have an amazing relationship with my wife; emotional, intellectual and physical. The truth of the matter is that, while my instincts want me to impregnate as many females as possible, the grass is pretty goddamn green on this side of the fence.

9.10.2003

On my way into work, I often get stuck in traffic. I at least have someone to keep me company seeing as I carpool. My carpool buddy and I have recently come up with a depressing game that passes the time.

1) Get into the left-hand lane (or right-hand lane for you British-emulating weirdos).
2) One person is "SUV" the other is "Carpool".
3) SUV counts the number of SUVs that pass in oncoming traffic.
4) Carpool counts the number of cars with more than one person in it.
5) Try it a couple times and find the right ratios for your area.
6) Once you get a grip on the ratio (in Montreal it seems to be 2 carpool to 1 SUV), someone picks a number and one of the two categories (eg: 10 SUV).
7) The other player is automatically the second category with the correct ratio. So if 10 SUV is selected in Montreal, the other person is 20 Carpool.
8) The first person to count to their target number in the opposite-flowing traffic, wins.

No one may select Regular Car, One Person as that is 95% of traffic on the roads.

9.03.2003

One of my friends is waiting for the robots. He would like to see a world where androids have replaced human endeavour with a superior, more idealized approach to living life. They first replace us in manual labour and the menial, thankless jobs that humans do now. Already that plan is well on its way. It is simply a matter of time before sentience is achieved in machines (that time is likely well off but having seen the leaps in technology over our history it can only seem inevitable). Eventually, there will be sentient androids superceding us and living out human ideals to a degree that we, hypocritical and self-delusive, are unable to achieve.

Many people stop and question the dangers in proceeding with such a plan. What happens if we make ourselves obsolete? Can we control sentient robots? Or will we all require Arnold Schwartzenegger to be sent from the future for humanity's sake? But the truth is we have a higher duty than to preserve the primacy of humans. We have a far greater obligation to preserve sentience as we understand it.

Humans are fragile, the world we live in is fragile. Small flecks of proteins suspended in water clinging to life, like lichen on some unnamed rock in the arctic. Trapped between a layer of tectonics and air, we are only now making strides in living in the rock and soaring above the clouds. We need systems of survival that are more robust and if we have the capacity to reproduce that which makes us alive, our sentience, then we must propagate and sustain it. It is simply a remarkable event in our local neighbourhood of systems. Perhaps on a universal scale, we might not be quite so precious but to the limits of our observation there is little sign of anything similar. Statistical flukes such as ourselves don't have an inherent right to propagate but if we have the capacity then we owe it to ourselves to explore the nature of our world. A search for meaning and our supposed role in the universe is not what I'm talking about. That would be ascribing qualities which may or may not exist. Rather, I speak of a descriptive understanding of how our world works, the proverbial Quest for Knowledge.

So fear not being superceded! It is our duty to bring ourselves to obsolescence for a superior, less destructive and self-destructive form to which we aspire but may never attain.

9.02.2003

I found out over the weekend that about half of your feces (yes, you specifically) is the lining of your intestines.

I have nothing clever or insightful to say about it. That kind of statement pretty much stands on its own.