6.03.2003

It's funny how instinct rules us. I wonder how much of my day is spent simply reacting to my enviorment in a manner that is hardcoded in my reptilian brain.

If I see a pretty girl, my head turns. My brain makes me feel good when I look at her. If I concentrate, I can override it but it requires an exertion of will, however slight it may be. If I hear a loud noise, my hands fly up to protect my head and I leap away. Bright flashes shut my eyes tight. And while it hasn't happened to me in a long, long time, if attacked, I would fight (perhaps flight?).

How ruled are we by our instincts? How much do we truly differ from our supposed "animal" compatriots? Sex, food, sleep, defecate; we are slaves to instinct and our higher order brains seem to me to be a refined cover for our desires to indulge our instincts. I like money but only because it enables me to indulge my instincts. Endorphins flow, blood rushes, pleasant times. Alcohol subverts our natural instincts, drugs give us altered states. Is it any wonder people seek refuge in them? It is a time when our instincts come out from beneath our polished selves and society allows us to shed our official veneer and let go the primal rages that storm beneath the surface.

How could I believe I am anything other than a fancy monkey? I write this in a moment of clarity, when I have appeased my instincts sufficiently that they leave me a few moments to myself and I can think upon whatever I desire. Soon enough, they will return and I will march to their beat. Sex, food, sleep, defecate.